time

i have learned in the last week, that time is really how you perceive it. it’s a funny thing, time…

last week i started to really wear thin at work. exhaustion and anxiety were getting the best of me day after day. so on thursday and friday i called in sick – expecting that my baby girl would make her appearance over the weekend (and YES, her doc and gigi drove in yet again, expecting the same!). but alas, no baby. sunday night i was faced with a difficult decision. – go back to work and try to fight it out another day, week, ??? OR start my leave of absence. it may not seem like a tough decision but considering every day i am at home right now sans baby is a day i could have worked and saved to spend with her once she arrives…well – it was a gut wrenching decision for me. but – after some tears and talks with my adoringly supportive husband, i made the decision to call in and stay home until the baby arrives. i truly needed some rest and to be honest my sanity was teetering! of course…i did not expect to still be waiting today…

i officially hit “full term” on sunday, july 18th. as it stands now, i am 40 weeks and 4 days…aka…post dated…aka…4 days late. its all relative i guess, seeing as how 7/18/2010 was an estimated due date…key word “estimated.” but after 10 long months and counting down the weeks, you start to feel like a ticking time bomb. you engrain the date in your brain and then…then…nothing?!? well, it’s a real drain on the emotions to say the least. i knew all along the date was an estimate – but after some thorough and very misleading information from my doctor, i truly believed i was on the other (the earlier) side of that date.

time will fly when she finally gets here. i have no doubt that it will be the fastest and most amazing few weeks of my life that i get to spend at home with her before returning to work. however, this time – these long days of summer, home alone, exhausted with nothing to do and filled with anticipation. well, these days, are some of the longest i have ever had. time seems to stand still during the day as i wait to feel labor pains or pray for my water to break. and yet, each time i go to the doctor (2x this week already) i feel like time is rushed. my doctor will be back in town on monday. if baby PeA has not made her debut by then, i will likely have to get induced. something i have avoided and really do not want. it’s funny how time stands still in some ways and races against me in others.

i went to the doctor on tuesday and thursday of this week. each time they just monitor my contractions and the baby’s heart rate for about 30 minutes. her heart rate always seems to average around the 140’s. my contractions are there, but not consistent or strong enough to send me on my way to L&D. so…i wait. and wait. and wait. i have thru the weekend to have this baby “on my own”. please pray with me that she comes soon!

in my time of waiting i have not done much. i really made sure i had everything “done” so long ago. the house has been cleaned. laundry is always done, dishes, etc. her nursery has been completed for a while. so i scrapbook, rest, watch tv, have long talks with my tummy :) and more or less drive myself nuts waiting! i have gotten to see a couple of movies and go on several date nights with abby which has been so sweet. i know it is something we won’t get to do for a while once she arrives, so i really cherish the time. on monday morning, my first official day of leave, he went in late to work and the two of us went to breakfast together – something we never do. it was absolutely lovely. i will remember it for forever, i think. just a simple breakfast with the man i love. talking about life and love and our little bundle on the way! he is really such a wonderful man.

as you might imagine, i have not been in the most photogenic of moods. so i have slacked on the pictures for week 40, now almost 41! i will get some up soon. i have been walking every night with abs. OUTSIDE i might add, in this nasty southeast, tx JULY heat. i am not sure how that itself has not sent me straight to L&D! i have done every recommended trick in the book to “naturally induce” labor. basil and oregano in heavy doses, plenty of pineapple, walking until i am panting and purple, sumo stomping around the house (super entertaining for abby), and some other unmentionables. obviously, my little angel is just comfy-cozy right where she is! on a closing note…if i had a dollar for every time someone said one of the following…well…i’d be one very wealthy (Still Pregnant) woman!

• still no baby yet?
• when’s that baby going to get here?
• will the doctor not induce you?
• you’re still pregnant?
• how much longer?
• you need to go to the hospital!
• you’re HOW far along?!

…no offense to anyone who has mentioned any of these to me. it’s typically out of care and concern from dear family and friends,  i know. it’s just funny when you feel like you are about to burst how the most simple of statements can make you feel like you might actually lose all sanity right then and there! :)

praying and praying for my angel to arrive. i truly cherish all of your love, prayers and support.

xoxo jna